Falling Backward from the Sky
by You are so rude Ciaran
Summary: Ciaran, I swear to god if you read this, I will figure out some how.


**DISCLAIMER MAJIG:** I do not own Kuroshitsuji, or any of its characters in any way, shape, or form. I did right this story however, so it belongs to me. I hope you enjoy it! (Also, I apologize if it's too AU, or OOC. This is my first FanFic, but I can promise you that I** tried **my best.)

He looked in the mirror. Tired hands pulling and pushing at his face, trying to see what he would look like without his imperfections. Sighing deeply, his hands dropped to nude sides, he stood tall, staring into the mirror for a brief moment, then retiring to his bedroom. He had always had a tough exterior. Keeping a confident shell, and even sounding a bit conceded at times. However, in all honesty, he hated himself more than anything. He breathed in painfully, letting out a soft whimper. Tears grazed warm cheeks.

"Why... Why am must I feel this way..?" He questioned once again, wetting his pillow with salty, bitter tears. He clutched and clung to silk bed sheets. Tossing slightly under them. His skin beaded with sweat and tears. He couldn't handle one more day of this treacherousness world. A world where he couldn't have him. The stress was overwhelming. He. Had. Snapped. He tugged at his hair and held his knees close to his chest.

"Why is it so wrong for a man to love another man... Why is it so very horrid for me to want to be with Sebastian... Why?" he sobbed quietly, face red with frustration. His eyes glistened with tears. This was not the first time Ciel Phantomhive had cried himself to sleep.

**Ciel's POV**

That morning, I awoke before Sebastian entered my chambers to wake me. I felt better now. Much better. Although, my muscles did ache a bit from the sobbing, and constant moving. Never in my past did I think that I would be 'depressed'. I had been such a happy child. So overcome with joy, and I always seemed to smile. Now these are things I just do not think to do. I have had far too many hardships. Although, I do wish for something to come along that makes me happy. Sadly, the only thing that would bring me blithe, is Sebastian devouring my troubled soul. Or, so I thought. About an hour later Sebastian came to wake, and dress me. I sat on the edge of my bed, as I always did. Feet swaying, supporting myself with my hands, and looking off into the abyss. Mostly day dreaming, but also thinking. Thinking of, dare I say it? I was thinking of, Sebastian. His perfect hair. How it looked so soft, all of the time. Even when covered in blood. His hands, slender fingers, that gave me chills when the ever so gently caressed my skin. Although, the thing about him, that was my personal favorite, were his eyes. Big crimson orbs that made you positively melt. However, in that moment, I realized Sebastian had been talking to me for quite some time. I shook the thoughts away, and glanced over at him, a bit pink faced from my thoughts.

"Sebastian, would you repeat that? My mind was somewhere else..." He looked at me grimly and began once again.

"Today, you will be having swordsmanship practice at 10am-11am, independent study at 11am-1pm, tea with Lady Elizabeth at 1pm-2pm, and the rest of your day you have free, unless you'd prefer to work with Funtom, however, sales ratings are high, and It doesn't look as if it needs any further inspection at this time." I nodded my head, although, I didn't agree with everything he just said. I did not want to do any of those things, even if they were required of me.

"What will I be having for breakfast then?" He walked out of the room for a moment and pulled in a cart of food.

"Jasmine tea, with scones. Earl Grey, with biscuits. Ceylons, and a lemon Tart."

"The Jasmine, and scones." He bowed, and left behind what I had asked for. I sighed deeply and ate. I was not looking forward to any of my tasks later. None of those things were my outlook on a good time. Sebastian returned soon and finally changed me into something admirable for the day. I must say, that man has a way with buttons. I can't even figure out how the damned things work.

I stood outside and stared at Sebastian. He was teaching me how to sword fight today.

"Dammit." I cursed under my breath. I was planing on going through the task lazily, but I can't do that with god, dammed Sebastian teaching me... He always notices when I don't give something my all.

"Stand." He stated swiftly, throwing the sword at my feet. I bent down slowly, picking it up with both hands, and running my finger tips down the blade. Gulping, I let out a small cry.

"R-real swords today?" He stared at me and nodded.

"Young master, you have had enough practice, I do believe you are ready for a true fight. I will go easy on you, for it is your first. However, do not go easy on me." I nodded with my eyes closed. I honestly wasn't ready to do this. No matter how ready he thought I was. We stood back to back. Taking 5 paces away from one another. Then turning to face our opponent. Sebastian's face was so very serious, and his eyes pierced into me, far deeper than his sword ever could. I licked my dry lips, and blinked away the thoughts once again. We went charging at one another, swords clashing, sparks flying, pants, yells, grunts. Then finally. I stood there. Dropping my sword. He had won this round. There, in my face, was a _very_ sharp instrument. Shock covered my face. I didn't think he would win that easily.

We fought about four more times. I didn't win any. Once that finished, I headed almost happily to my study. Independent study was _far _(safer) more interesting than swords. I sat behind my desk and calmly ordered Sebastian out. To leave me until Elizabeth arrived. I looked at all the books that littered my library. None of them caught my attention. I knew I was supposed to be practicing the violin, but I hated musical instruments. Well, playing them anyway.

Suddenly, a large brown book that was a bit torn caught my eye. 'Grey's Anatomy'. What in the bloody hell was anatomy, and for that matter, who or what was grey? Was it the referring to the color grey? Sighing heavily, I figured that I might as well figure out for myself. Grabbing the book, which in all honesty was a too heavy for me, I sat down in a dark blue arm chair. I kicked my leg up so I was in a more comfortable sitting position. Flipping the book open, I noticed something about the book. It was about... Body structure? That's what anatomy is then, eh? I flipped threw the book, just glancing at some of the words. I began to grow tired of the book. Flipping threw the pages faster, I stopped.

"Is that... What... I think that i-is?" I huffed. Eyes extremely wide. Before me, was a close up picture, of the male sexual organ. I stared. I could feel how intense every breath I took was. I noticed every time my chest arose, and fell. I couldn't seem to pull my eyes away.

**End Ciel's POV**

The member was obviously erect. Although, Ciel had never had, or seen an erect penis before in his life. However, Neither of those things were truth any longer. He could feel his pants growing tighter. He knew he liked men. This was a fact to him. So he wasn't alarmed when his breath hitched at the sight. He couldn't help himself. His pants were growing tight, and his member felt, stiffer than usual. With this having been known to him, he struggled to get his trousers open. Finally, the button came undone and he unzipped himself. As his member sprang free, he stared at it.

"Why... Why is it.. hard... like that..?" he thought out loud. His hand fell lower, lower, _lower. _Almost instantly he wrapped his hand around himself. This was such a, different, to say the least, feeling for him. Shock waves coursed through him. His back arching from time to time, and his eyes closed tightly. His breaths were deep and erratic. Skin against skin, moan after moan, finally he came in his hand. Panting, he rode out his own orgasm. 'What was that...' he thought. He sat there for a couple of minutes, thinking. 'Why was that so... Pleasureful?' was his main thought. How could something so, unseemly be so _good_? He let go of his limp member. He zipped his trousers and fumbled with the button. He wiped his hand on a discarded piece of paper, and soon he fell sound asleep.

"Young Master"

Ciel's eyes shot open, but the rest of him remained still.

"S-sebastian. Do not enter." he exclaimed tiredly. '_Damn that him.' _Ciel hurried to get everything together. Pulling his trousers up, and cleaning himself with his jacket, then quickly discarding the article of clothing behind a chair in the corner of the room. Not really worrying about whether or not Sebastian would find it. Once everything seemed in order, Ciel nodded slightly and called in his butler.

"Lady Elizabeth is here, my lord. I sent her to wait for you in the garden." Giving a sour face and a sigh, he left the scene, then headed off to the garden.

"Young master, may I bother you with a question?"

"Ugh, what?"

"Where is your jacket?"

So! How was that for a first chapter, eh? Good... Horrid? Reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated!


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